WESTPAPUA.NET - Transcript of a Demonstrative Speech
Source: Yahoo! Voices
Good morning, what I will be speaking about today is “How to form
your own independent nation.” This is definitely not the most useful
topic to use in everyday life, or the most plausible. But why I chose
this topic is because it can give insight as to how nations are formed,
and it is nonetheless interesting.
I’m sure that all of you have at least heard of the show, “Family
Guy,” and probably have seen it also. In the episode, “E Peterbus Unum,”
when Peter tries to get a permit to build a swimming pool in his
backyard; he finds out that his lot is actually not part of Quahog or
the U.S., so he forms his own country of Petoria. When Peter gets no
respect from the U.N., he decides to invade his neighbor, Joe’s pool,
declaring it the “Petorian Province of Johio,” which brings the U.S.
Army to his border. The Griffins can only survive so long with no water,
electricity, heat, or access to the United States, and finally, Lois
and the kids leave President Peter to his third-world country. Peter
finally rejoins the union only a week after seceding.
Out of the many things that Peter Griffin did, many of them were not
the wisest approach to forming his own nation. First, he was claiming
land that the United States had both a strong claim to, and a reason to
want it being that it is in the middle of the country. Obviously,
though, you can’t be too critical because it is a cartoon and is just
supposed to be funny.
So now let’s get on to the topic. To form your own nation, you
probably want the land that you will be using to be in dispute, not yet
discovered, or land that has recently come into existence, (like the
easternmost island in Hawaii for example) unlike President Griffin. You
also want to either study international law very thoroughly or get a
very good lawyer with experience in international law. Another thing
that you will need is to be able to do is to speak well, because you
will have to make a lot of people see things your way. The last few
things that you will need to form your country are a good constitution
and lots of money.
Once you have found the land which you will attempt to declare
independent, if you are buying the land from a country, then you should
definitely not tell them about your plans to declare independence. If
you are claiming land, then you want to find land that basically no one
else wants and stay there a while before claiming it so you have a
legitimate claim. The more someone else wants the land, the more
problems you run into, both while forming your nation, and as a nation.
The next step is to actually declare independence. Peter Griffin
declared independence right on the spot when he found out that his land
was unclaimed. This wasn’t very smart for many reasons, the most obvious
being that he did not consider that the United States would have a
strong interest in it because it was in the middle of the United States.
Before you do declare independence, you want to be very secretive about
your plans to declare independence. I personally think that buying land
would be the most effective way, although discovering your own could be
more fun. Either way, the land you want to buy should be relatively
small, preferably an island, not rich in natural resources, and no one
else should really want it. If you are buying land from another country,
your best bet will be to buy from an economically struggling nation or a
third-world country. Also, if you are buying from another country, you
want to make a lot of friends in the capital because you will have to
deal with them many times. Between this and talking to the citizens of
the land you own, that is where your ability to speak well comes in. A
lot of that is natural and the rest I will leave to this class.
Assuming that the declaring of independence went as smoothly as
possible, (which probably isn’t very smooth) the next step is to
implement your from of government including: the constitution, laws, and
governing positions, (remember, you don’t want to appoint yourself for
life because that is one of the best ways to get the United Nations very
angry at you). Also, since the country that you just left probably
won’t like you very much unless you became great friends, they would
probably invade. If they were great friends, then they probably just
wouldn’t be your friends anymore. Anyway because of that you probably
want to make friends with a powerful nation that preferably doesn’t like
the nation that doesn’t like you. Another thing that you want to make
sure to do is to appoint ambassadors to the United States, Russia, Great
Britain, and other countries that could hurt you. The ambassadors you
choose can be people with political backgrounds who also represent your
nation, or they can just be people that you want out of your country.
Next, make some national items (anthem, flag, bird, motto, flower, etc.)
and maybe some products or novelties specific to your nation, such a
homegrown beer and some flags. After doing all this you need to listen
to what the population wants, maybe listen to a speech about being a
good president while you’re at it.
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